


Self-Made Walls

by Aston (AstonT)



Series: Character Studies [7]
Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Character Study
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-06
Updated: 2017-11-06
Packaged: 2019-01-30 06:34:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12648102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AstonT/pseuds/Aston
Summary: Song playing while writing: Kings And Queens - Thirty Seconds To Mars





	Self-Made Walls

One thing that Murasakibara Atsushi never thought would change from his childhood was his love for basketball - it was easy and he had fun playing.   
  
Of course, once his first huge growth spurt hit, it was a bit harder to enjoy the sport, too-long limbs interupting his ability at the sport and making him clumsy until he adjusted to it.   
  
But something he hadn't quite accounted for was the fact that the sudden gained height had managed to successfully scare the kids he tended to play basketball with during his free time.   
  
Which, admittedly, he could've dealt with no problem, but the clumsy movements that had accompanied it for the longest proved to him pretty immediately that it would be too dangerous for himself and others for him to continue playing when the others were so small.   
  
So.. he stopped. Until junior high, at least.   
  
And with that, he immediately sought to join the school's team - may as well find some enjoyment while he was in school, and while the sport had lost it's old luster it was still rather enjoyable because he was good at it.

* * *

 

Honestly, one of his favorite things about the Teiko basketball team was that he didn't have to make a lot of decisions that he didn't feel quite ready to make - in first year, Nijimura kept them functioning on a low enough level that they didn't hurt themselves or others unnecessarily and gave them a base to grow from, and once Akashi took over as captain the next year, Murasakibara flourished under his decisions.   
  
It was easy to follow orders because that meant if something did happen and someone got hurt, he wouldn't bear the guilt of it alone.   
  
But with him still growing taller, he started holding back more and more - why on earth was everyone else so freaking tiny? It only served to make him nervous about playing against - and with - others, because hell he didn't want to hurt anyone.   
  
And so, he backed off offense slowly, not even open enough with his choice to do so to let the others know that's what he was doing.   
  
The less effort he put in, the more comforted he felt. If he didn't try, he couldn't hurt anyone. That was good.   
  
That was safe.   
  
It just sapped all the fun out of the game, leaving a bitter feeling where he had once felt nothing but love for the game.   
  
But what he hadn't accounted for was that this drain of fun would affect his playing style more - would turn him much more sadistic than he was naturally and would eventually serve to cut into one of his friends.   
  
He didn't miss the pain in Kuroko's eyes after the Meiko game, but he also refused to acknowledge it.

* * *

 

By the time high school rolled around, he'd long since resigned himself to never being able to play to his full potential.   
  
And he wouldn't have to if he didn't make the choices himself, he knew. Akashi had never asked that of him, and he doubted anyone less of a leader than him would dare try.   
  
So it was with minor regret that he went to Yosen and joined their team, resigning himself to another year of games that he was growing to hate.   
  
If he couldn't play all-out, then he'd do the least he could under orders from the other players on his team.   
  
There was no fun that way, but it was safe.


End file.
